Fifteen Ways To Untwist Your Thinking
Break Down of Methodology:
A) Method
B) Description of this method
C) How to use this method / Questions to ask yourself
D) Types of Distortions
1.
A) Identify the Distortions.
B) After you write down your negative thoughts, use the distorted thinking chart checklist to identify the distortion in each.
C) "What are the distortions in this thought?"
D) Any
2.
A) The Straightforward Approach
B) Substitute a more positive and realistic thought.
C) "Is this negative thought really true? Is there another way to look at this situation?"
D) Any
3.
A) The Cost-Benefit Analysis
B) List the advantages and disadvantages of a negative feeling, thought, belief, or behavior (like getting angry when you're stuck in traffic), a negative thought (like "I'm a loser"), or a self defeating belief (like "I should try to be perfect")
C) "What are the advantages and disadvantages of believing this (or feeling like this)? How will this attitude help me, and how will it hurt me?"
D) Any
4.
A) The Double Standard Technique
B) Instead of putting yourself down, talk to yourself in the same compassionate way you might talk to a dear friend who was upset.
C) "would I say such harsh things to a friend with a similar problem? What would I say to him or her?
D) Any
5.
A) Examine the Evidence.
B) Instead of assuming that a Negative Thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it.
C) "What are the facts? What do the data really show?"
D) Jumping to conclussions; emotional reasoning; discounting the positives
6.
A) The Survey Method
B) Do a survey to find out if your thoughts and attitudes are realistic. If you believe that public speaking anxiety is abnormal, ask several friends if they ever felt that way.
C) "How do other people think and feel about this?"
D) Jumping to conclussions
7.
A) The Experimental Method
B) Do an experiment to test the accuracy of your Negative Thought, in much the same way that a scientist would test a theory
C) "How could I test this negative thought to find out if its really true?"
D) Jumping to conclussions
8.
A) The Pleasure-Predicting Method
B) Predict how satisfying activities will be, from 0% to 100%. Record how satisfying they turn out to be.
C) This technigue can help you get moving when you feel lethartgic. It can also be used to test self defeating beliefs, such as "If I'm alone, I'm bound to feel miserable."
D) fortune telling; emotional reasoning
9.
A) The Vertical Arrow Technique
B) Instead of disputing your negative through, you draw a vertical arrow under your Negative Thought and ask why it would be upsetting if it was true. You will generate a series of negative thoughts what will lead to your underlying beliefs
C) "If this thought was true, why would it be upsetting me? Whatt would it mean to me?"
D) Any
10.
A) Thinking in Shades of Gray.
B) Instead of thinking about your problems in black-and-white categories, evaluate things in shades of gray.
C) When things don't work out well as you hoped, think about the experience as a partial success. Try to pinpoint your errors instead of thinking of yourself as a total failure.
D) all or nothing thinking
11.
A) Define Terms.
B) When you label yourself as "inferior" or "a fool" or "a loser," ask yourself what you mean by these labels. You will feel better when you see there is no such things as a fool or loser. Foolish behavior exists but fools do not.
C) "What is the defintion of a loser?" "Twhat is the definition of an inferior human being?" "When I say I am hopless, what claim am I making? What is my definition of someone who is hopeless?"
D) Labeling, All or nothing thinking
12.
A) Be Specific.
B) Stick with reality and avoid judgments about reality.
C) Instead of thinking of yourself as totally defective, focus on your specific strengths and weaknesses.
D) Overgeneralization, all or nothing thinking
13.
A) The Semantic Method.
B) You substitute language that is less colorful or emotionally loaded for "should" statements and labeling.
C) Instead of telling yourself, "I shouldn't mave made that mistake," you can tell yourself, "it would be better if I hadn't made a mistake."
D) Labeling; "should" statements
14.
A) Reattribution
B) Instead of blaming yourself for a problem, think about all the factors that may have contributed to it. Focus on solving the problem instead of using all your energy blaming yourself and feeling guilty.
C) "What caused this problem? What did I contribute and what did other people (or life) contribute? What Can I learn from this situation?"
D) all or nothing thinking, blaming
15.
A) The Acceptance Paradox
B) Instead of defending yourself against your own self-criticisms, find truth in them and accept your shortcomings.
C) "Do I feel indadequate? I have many inadequacies. There are things about me that could be improved."
D) Any
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Distorted Thinking Chart Checklist
Distorted Thinking Chart Checklist
1. All-or-nothing thinking: You restrict possibilities and options to only two choices: yes or no (all or nothing).
2. Over generalization: You view a single, negative event as a continuing and never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Negative Mental filter: You dwell mostly on the negatives and generally ignore the positives.
4. Discounting the positives: You insist your achievements or positive efforts do not count.
5. Jumping to conclusions:
6. Mind-reading: You assume that people are reacting negatively to you without any objective evidence.
7. Fortune-Telling: You predict that things will turn out badly without any objective evidence.
8. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or minimize their importance.
9. Emotional reasoning: You base your reasoning from your feelings: "I feel like a loser, so I must be one."
10. Should Statements: You criticize yourself or other people with "musts," "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos."
11. Labeling: Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you tell yourself "I'm an idiot" or "I'm a loser."
12. Personalization: You blame yourself almost completely for something for which you were not entirely responsible.
Elaboration of Cognitive Distortions
All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.
Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don't bother to check it out.
The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."
Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn't, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a damn louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible
1. All-or-nothing thinking: You restrict possibilities and options to only two choices: yes or no (all or nothing).
2. Over generalization: You view a single, negative event as a continuing and never-ending pattern of defeat.
3. Negative Mental filter: You dwell mostly on the negatives and generally ignore the positives.
4. Discounting the positives: You insist your achievements or positive efforts do not count.
5. Jumping to conclusions:
6. Mind-reading: You assume that people are reacting negatively to you without any objective evidence.
7. Fortune-Telling: You predict that things will turn out badly without any objective evidence.
8. Magnification or minimization: You blow things way out of proportion or minimize their importance.
9. Emotional reasoning: You base your reasoning from your feelings: "I feel like a loser, so I must be one."
10. Should Statements: You criticize yourself or other people with "musts," "shoulds," "oughts," and "have tos."
11. Labeling: Instead of saying "I made a mistake," you tell yourself "I'm an idiot" or "I'm a loser."
12. Personalization: You blame yourself almost completely for something for which you were not entirely responsible.
Elaboration of Cognitive Distortions
All-or-nothing thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Mental filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.
Disqualifying the positive: You reject positive experiences by insisting they "don't count" for some reason or other. You maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.
Jumping to conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.
Mind reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you and don't bother to check it out.
The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly and feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
Magnification (catastrophizing) or minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else's achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow's imperfections). This is also called the "binocular trick."
Emotional reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: "I feel it, therefore it must be true."
Should statements: You try to motivate yourself with should and shouldn't, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. "Musts" and "oughts" are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
Labeling and mislabeling: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: "I'm a loser." When someone else's behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him, "He's a damn louse." Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.
Personalization: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event for which, in fact, you were not primarily responsible
12 Irrational Ideas That Cause and Sustain Neurosis + 3 Core Irrational Beliefs
12 Irrational Ideas That Cause and Sustain Neurosis
1. The idea that it is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do -- instead of their concentrating on their own self-respect, on winning approval for practical purposes, and on loving rather than on being loved.
2. The idea that certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned -- instead of the idea that certain acts are self-defeating or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are behaving stupidly, ignorantly, or neurotically, and would be better helped to change. People's poor behaviors do not make them rotten individuals.
3. The idea that it is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be -- instead of the idea that it is too bad, that we would better try to change or control bad conditions so that they become more satisfactory, and, if that is not possible, we had better temporarily accept and gracefully lump their exis tence.
4. The idea that human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events -- instead of the idea that neurosis is largely caused by the view that we take of unfortunate conditions.
5. The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it -- instead of the idea that one would better frankly face it and render it non-dangerous and, when that is not possible, accept the inevitable.
6. The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities -- instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is usually much harder in the long run.
7. The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourself on which to rely -- instead of the idea that it is better to take the risks of thinking and acting less depen dently.
8. The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects -- instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well and accept ourself as a quite imperfect creature, who has general human limitations and specific fallibilities.
9. The idea that because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it -- instead of the idea that we can learn from our past experiences but not be overly-attached to or prejudiced by them.
10. The idea that we must have certain and perfect control over things -- instead of the idea that the world is full of probability and chance and that we can still enjoy life despite this.
11. The idea that human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction -- instead of the idea that we tend to be happiest when we are vitally absorbed in creative pursuits, or when we are devoting ourselves to people or projects outside ourselves.
12. The idea that we have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things -- instead of the idea that we have real control over our destructive emotions if we choose to work at changing the musturbatory hypotheses which we often employ to create them.
3 Core Irrational Beliefs
1. I MUST do well, and be liked or else I am a rotten, no good person.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because: It is impossible for anyone to do well all of the time.
We are fallible human beings who often make mistakes.It is impossible for anyone to do well at everything. As humans we are given a limited amount of time and energy. We may be able to work hard and to "specialize" in a few areas. However, even in those areas it is impossible for us to do well in them at all times. It is self defeating to gage my worth as a person based upon my behaviors. Just because a person makes mistakes does not make him a worthless person. It merely makes him a person who makes mistakes.
2. Others MUST treat me how I want to be treated, or else they are no good rotten people, who deserve to suffer.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because: I cannot MAKE others treat me well all of the time.
I can do things to make it more likely that they will treat me well. However, in the end I cannot control them. I will frequently not be treated the way that I want to be treated. Just because someone treats me unkindly does that mean that they are a rotten person. They, most likely, have several good attributes- of which I may not be aware. I may be able to rate their behaviors as desirable or undesirable, but their personhood is too complex to rate When others treat me poorly it is often not to my advantage to try to "make them suffer". Getting back at others often leads to an increase in the conflict. Depending upon the extent of my vengeful behaviors
I may end up in jail or dead. Even "self defense" has its legal limitations.
3. I MUST have everything I want quickly and easily, and nothing I do not want.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because:I will not get everything that I want
Most things that I want will not come quickly and easily- but, rather through long, hard, and persistent work. Even then there are not guarantees.Sometimes, if not frequently, things that I do not want happen to me.
1. The idea that it is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do -- instead of their concentrating on their own self-respect, on winning approval for practical purposes, and on loving rather than on being loved.
2. The idea that certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned -- instead of the idea that certain acts are self-defeating or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are behaving stupidly, ignorantly, or neurotically, and would be better helped to change. People's poor behaviors do not make them rotten individuals.
3. The idea that it is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be -- instead of the idea that it is too bad, that we would better try to change or control bad conditions so that they become more satisfactory, and, if that is not possible, we had better temporarily accept and gracefully lump their exis tence.
4. The idea that human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events -- instead of the idea that neurosis is largely caused by the view that we take of unfortunate conditions.
5. The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it -- instead of the idea that one would better frankly face it and render it non-dangerous and, when that is not possible, accept the inevitable.
6. The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities -- instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is usually much harder in the long run.
7. The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourself on which to rely -- instead of the idea that it is better to take the risks of thinking and acting less depen dently.
8. The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects -- instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well and accept ourself as a quite imperfect creature, who has general human limitations and specific fallibilities.
9. The idea that because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it -- instead of the idea that we can learn from our past experiences but not be overly-attached to or prejudiced by them.
10. The idea that we must have certain and perfect control over things -- instead of the idea that the world is full of probability and chance and that we can still enjoy life despite this.
11. The idea that human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction -- instead of the idea that we tend to be happiest when we are vitally absorbed in creative pursuits, or when we are devoting ourselves to people or projects outside ourselves.
12. The idea that we have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things -- instead of the idea that we have real control over our destructive emotions if we choose to work at changing the musturbatory hypotheses which we often employ to create them.
3 Core Irrational Beliefs
1. I MUST do well, and be liked or else I am a rotten, no good person.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because: It is impossible for anyone to do well all of the time.
We are fallible human beings who often make mistakes.It is impossible for anyone to do well at everything. As humans we are given a limited amount of time and energy. We may be able to work hard and to "specialize" in a few areas. However, even in those areas it is impossible for us to do well in them at all times. It is self defeating to gage my worth as a person based upon my behaviors. Just because a person makes mistakes does not make him a worthless person. It merely makes him a person who makes mistakes.
2. Others MUST treat me how I want to be treated, or else they are no good rotten people, who deserve to suffer.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because: I cannot MAKE others treat me well all of the time.
I can do things to make it more likely that they will treat me well. However, in the end I cannot control them. I will frequently not be treated the way that I want to be treated. Just because someone treats me unkindly does that mean that they are a rotten person. They, most likely, have several good attributes- of which I may not be aware. I may be able to rate their behaviors as desirable or undesirable, but their personhood is too complex to rate When others treat me poorly it is often not to my advantage to try to "make them suffer". Getting back at others often leads to an increase in the conflict. Depending upon the extent of my vengeful behaviors
I may end up in jail or dead. Even "self defense" has its legal limitations.
3. I MUST have everything I want quickly and easily, and nothing I do not want.
This belief is self defeating and irrational because:I will not get everything that I want
Most things that I want will not come quickly and easily- but, rather through long, hard, and persistent work. Even then there are not guarantees.Sometimes, if not frequently, things that I do not want happen to me.
The ABC Framework of Processing Thoughts, Disputing Irrational Beliefs and Distorted Thinking
The ABC Framework of Processing Thoughts, Disputing Irrational Beliefs and Distorted Thinking
This framework can be used to understand what happened after the fact or to help you dispute irrational thoughts and replace them with more rational thoughts. The framework can also be used before a stressful event to practice and think through options. Eventually this pattern of thinking and disputing irrational thoughts will become second nature, and you will be able to reason rationally during actual stressful events. Also, you can begin anywhere in the framework. If you know feeling before what you think, start at C. If you know what happened, but nothing else, start at a, and so on.
A- Stands for the Activating Event or the Adversity. What is the activating event or adversity that triggers a strong reaction. The A can be an actual event an internal event such as a thought, memory, or bodily sensation or an inference about an event. An Activating Event is affected by an individual's perceptions and inferences concerning the events and conditions that impact upon him or her.
· Identify those vents or circumstances which are triggering old and irrational ways of reacting.
B stands for Beliefs. The rational, irrational, distorted and realistic beliefs that an individual brings to bear upon specific activating events. These beliefs fall into one of two categories- Rational Beliefs (Self Helping) or Irrational Beliefs (Self Defeating).People often have both rational and irrational beliefs simultaneously.
· List all thoughts you are having about the activating event without judging if they make sense or fit for the situation in A.
C- Stands for the Emotional and Behavioral Consequence. Emotional and Behavioral Consequence. Irrational emotions or behaviors which result from `faulty Beliefs' about the Activating Event. Rational beliefs contribute to healthy feelings such as sadness, annoyance, concern. Although these feelings may not be desirable, they are considered healthy and natural (For example, if a person lost a close relative, he may have the belief of "I wish that she had not died, but I enjoyed the time I had with her, I will sure miss her" which would contribute to him feeling- the healthy feeling- of sadness and loss.). On the contrary, Irrational beliefs contribute to unhealthy feelings such as depression, rage, and/ or excessive anxiety.
· Identify feelings and behaviors you are experiencing, rating the intensity of each feeling listed on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest intensity of that feeling. If you have not acted yet, write out the actions you are thinking about taking and what you predict you would most likely do.
D- Stands for Disputing the Irrational Belief. Decide to dispute irrational and distorted thinking. Disputing consists of asking questions, challenging the belief, putting the belief "on trial" to determine if it is realistic, logical, and to ultimately determine if it is helping one to achieve his or her goals or if it is only leading to more misery.
· Carefully examine the beliefs listed in section B and look for irrational thoughts and distorted patterns of thinking.
· Make the decision whether or not to dispute the beliefs utilizing whatever tehcnigue(s) are helpful to you
E- Expected Outcome or Enacting an Effective new philosophy (establishing a new rational belief to replace the previous irrational belief) a new feeling (a healthy rather than an unhealthy feeling) and more effective new behaviors (self helping rather than self defeating). What changed with the feelings and behavior?
· Identify what changes in your feelings and behaviors will occur once you have successfully disputed irrational beliefs and distorted thought processes
When evaluating a Irrational Belief and disputing it you need to look at the SCG or
S: Situation = what happened or could happen.
C: Consequences = what was or could the outcome be.
G: Goal = what do you really want to happen?
to dispute and determine and more ration choice that will result in a more positive outcome.
Questions to Ask Yourself in Disputing Irrational Beliefs Systems
1. WHAT SELF-DEFEATING IR-RA-TIO-NAL BELIEF DO I WANT TO DIS-PUTE AND SURRENDER?
2. CAN I RATIONALLY SUPPORT THIS BELIEF?
3. WHAT EVIDENCE EXISTS OF THE FALSENESS OF THIS BELIEF?
4. DOES ANY EVIDENCE EXIST OF THE TRUTH OF THIS BELIEF?
5. WHAT ARE THE WORST THINGS THAT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
6. WHAT GOOD THINGS COULD I MAKE HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
This framework can be used to understand what happened after the fact or to help you dispute irrational thoughts and replace them with more rational thoughts. The framework can also be used before a stressful event to practice and think through options. Eventually this pattern of thinking and disputing irrational thoughts will become second nature, and you will be able to reason rationally during actual stressful events. Also, you can begin anywhere in the framework. If you know feeling before what you think, start at C. If you know what happened, but nothing else, start at a, and so on.
A- Stands for the Activating Event or the Adversity. What is the activating event or adversity that triggers a strong reaction. The A can be an actual event an internal event such as a thought, memory, or bodily sensation or an inference about an event. An Activating Event is affected by an individual's perceptions and inferences concerning the events and conditions that impact upon him or her.
· Identify those vents or circumstances which are triggering old and irrational ways of reacting.
B stands for Beliefs. The rational, irrational, distorted and realistic beliefs that an individual brings to bear upon specific activating events. These beliefs fall into one of two categories- Rational Beliefs (Self Helping) or Irrational Beliefs (Self Defeating).People often have both rational and irrational beliefs simultaneously.
· List all thoughts you are having about the activating event without judging if they make sense or fit for the situation in A.
C- Stands for the Emotional and Behavioral Consequence. Emotional and Behavioral Consequence. Irrational emotions or behaviors which result from `faulty Beliefs' about the Activating Event. Rational beliefs contribute to healthy feelings such as sadness, annoyance, concern. Although these feelings may not be desirable, they are considered healthy and natural (For example, if a person lost a close relative, he may have the belief of "I wish that she had not died, but I enjoyed the time I had with her, I will sure miss her" which would contribute to him feeling- the healthy feeling- of sadness and loss.). On the contrary, Irrational beliefs contribute to unhealthy feelings such as depression, rage, and/ or excessive anxiety.
· Identify feelings and behaviors you are experiencing, rating the intensity of each feeling listed on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the greatest intensity of that feeling. If you have not acted yet, write out the actions you are thinking about taking and what you predict you would most likely do.
D- Stands for Disputing the Irrational Belief. Decide to dispute irrational and distorted thinking. Disputing consists of asking questions, challenging the belief, putting the belief "on trial" to determine if it is realistic, logical, and to ultimately determine if it is helping one to achieve his or her goals or if it is only leading to more misery.
· Carefully examine the beliefs listed in section B and look for irrational thoughts and distorted patterns of thinking.
· Make the decision whether or not to dispute the beliefs utilizing whatever tehcnigue(s) are helpful to you
E- Expected Outcome or Enacting an Effective new philosophy (establishing a new rational belief to replace the previous irrational belief) a new feeling (a healthy rather than an unhealthy feeling) and more effective new behaviors (self helping rather than self defeating). What changed with the feelings and behavior?
· Identify what changes in your feelings and behaviors will occur once you have successfully disputed irrational beliefs and distorted thought processes
When evaluating a Irrational Belief and disputing it you need to look at the SCG or
S: Situation = what happened or could happen.
C: Consequences = what was or could the outcome be.
G: Goal = what do you really want to happen?
to dispute and determine and more ration choice that will result in a more positive outcome.
Questions to Ask Yourself in Disputing Irrational Beliefs Systems
1. WHAT SELF-DEFEATING IR-RA-TIO-NAL BELIEF DO I WANT TO DIS-PUTE AND SURRENDER?
2. CAN I RATIONALLY SUPPORT THIS BELIEF?
3. WHAT EVIDENCE EXISTS OF THE FALSENESS OF THIS BELIEF?
4. DOES ANY EVIDENCE EXIST OF THE TRUTH OF THIS BELIEF?
5. WHAT ARE THE WORST THINGS THAT COULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO ME IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
6. WHAT GOOD THINGS COULD I MAKE HAPPEN IF I DON'T GET WHAT I THINK I MUST (OR DO GET WHAT I THINK I MUST NOT GET)?
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Resources For Boundaries & Healthy Relationship
Cloud-Townsend Resources
Boundaries
Why are Boundaries necessary?
Aren´t Boundaries selfish?
I like to help others but sometimes I feel like I am being used. I have a hard time saying “no” when someone asks me to help them. What should I do?
Dr Henry Cloud Q&A
"Christian" Beliefs that Can Drive you Crazy
• Part 1: False Assumption - If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness.
• Part 2: False Assumption - Just leave the past behind.
• Part 3: False Assumption - If I have God, I don't need people.
• Part 4: False Assumption - Guilt and shame are good for me.
• Part 5: False Assumption - If I make right choices, I will grow spiritually.
• Part 6: False Assumption - If I know the truth, I will grow.
Changes That Heal
• Part 1: Does God or psychology provide the cure to emotional problems?
• Part 2: Created in the Image of God
• Part 3: Growth takes Grace and Truth
• Part 4: Growth takes Time
• Part 5: Bonding
• Part 6: Skills for Bonding
• Part 7: Becoming Separate - Creating Healthy Boundaries
• Part 8: Sorting Out Good and Bad
How People Grow
• Part 1: Harder than I Thought - 4 Models of Growth
• Part 2: The Big Picture - Act One: Creation
• Part 3: The Big Picture - Act Two: The Fall
• Part 4: The Big Picture - Act Three: Redemption
• Part 5: The God of Grace
• Part 6: The Holy Spirit
• Part 7: Guilt & Forgiveness
• Part 8: Suffering & Grief
• Part 9: Spiritual Poverty
• Part 10: Obedience
• Part 11: Sin and the Growth Process
• Part 12: The Process of Time
Parenting
• Parenting: What is the goal of your parenting?
• Parenting: How do you handle tantrums?
• Parenting: The Myth of Positive Self-Esteem
• Parenting: Teaching Kids to Take Initiative
Boundaries
• Boundaries: Good In, Bad Out
Safe People
• Part 1: What are Safe People?
• Part 2: Where are the Safe People?
• Part 3: Learning How to Be Safe
Boundaries
Why are Boundaries necessary?
Aren´t Boundaries selfish?
I like to help others but sometimes I feel like I am being used. I have a hard time saying “no” when someone asks me to help them. What should I do?
Dr Henry Cloud Q&A
"Christian" Beliefs that Can Drive you Crazy
• Part 1: False Assumption - If I'm spiritual enough, I will have no pain or sinfulness.
• Part 2: False Assumption - Just leave the past behind.
• Part 3: False Assumption - If I have God, I don't need people.
• Part 4: False Assumption - Guilt and shame are good for me.
• Part 5: False Assumption - If I make right choices, I will grow spiritually.
• Part 6: False Assumption - If I know the truth, I will grow.
Changes That Heal
• Part 1: Does God or psychology provide the cure to emotional problems?
• Part 2: Created in the Image of God
• Part 3: Growth takes Grace and Truth
• Part 4: Growth takes Time
• Part 5: Bonding
• Part 6: Skills for Bonding
• Part 7: Becoming Separate - Creating Healthy Boundaries
• Part 8: Sorting Out Good and Bad
How People Grow
• Part 1: Harder than I Thought - 4 Models of Growth
• Part 2: The Big Picture - Act One: Creation
• Part 3: The Big Picture - Act Two: The Fall
• Part 4: The Big Picture - Act Three: Redemption
• Part 5: The God of Grace
• Part 6: The Holy Spirit
• Part 7: Guilt & Forgiveness
• Part 8: Suffering & Grief
• Part 9: Spiritual Poverty
• Part 10: Obedience
• Part 11: Sin and the Growth Process
• Part 12: The Process of Time
Parenting
• Parenting: What is the goal of your parenting?
• Parenting: How do you handle tantrums?
• Parenting: The Myth of Positive Self-Esteem
• Parenting: Teaching Kids to Take Initiative
Boundaries
• Boundaries: Good In, Bad Out
Safe People
• Part 1: What are Safe People?
• Part 2: Where are the Safe People?
• Part 3: Learning How to Be Safe
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
What is the Way of the Cross
"Some of you have been struggling, notknowing what God has for you. Youhave been through a season in which the Lord has revealed your need ofHim in very dramatic ways. jesus Himself has been near to you, however His closeness was no merely in the way of external blessings, but inthe way of His cross. Yet, you have delighted in this, for the way ofthe cross has increasinly become the way of your life," excerpt from Francis Frangipane book 'Christlikeness.'
1. What does "the way of the cross" mean?
The Way = to me its obvious there is a way we should walk in it. There is a way that seems right to men but its end is death. But there is a way that is right before God the Father and its not through the empty traditions of me. There is direction.
The Cross is like a Compass, it has East and West, North and South. + On the Cross He forgets your sins as far as the east is from the west, so that in you everyday or horizontal, human to human, relationships you can walk in openness, forgiveness and transparency, you can be in a sense "naked and unashamed."
What the first Adam lost in the intial Replenishment of the earth when God said "be fruitful and replenish the earth," God gave Adam dominion over the earth and a commission to start godly families, that was the first command of God to start families, and two shall become "echad" one, as Jesus said "I am the Father are One (Echad), so may he make you one with each other," God wants us to walk in the way, not just anyway.
The steps of the righteous are ordered of the Lord, His eye will guide you in the path you should walk in. If you become like Jesus in Gathesemene and say "not as I will but your will be done." Or as John the Baptist say, "I must decrease and He must increase."
Sanctification is the way that you become more like Christ, putting OFF the OLD nature and putting on the NEW MAN, being transformed and having the mind of Christ. Its the putting to DEATH the WORKS OF THE FLESH or CARNAL GENIUS.
Grace is the supernatural enablement to make right decisions, is the spirit of SELF CONTROL, its the ability to choose and to listen to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. The grace of God teaches all men by being merciful and giving you time to work out the word God has given you. Because you have become one with the sinful nature, it takes time to unwind or undue the imprint or image that satan has tried to put on you. Mercy is the time to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. Grace comes from the Greek word used in the New Testament Charis which is the root for Charis-mata or Charis/Spiritual-Mata/Gifts. Many have mistaken the Charis for the Mata. Charis is a supernatural enablement. Mata is a gift. Grace is a gift but its not just a gift, its given as a gift but it cost Jesus everything to give us this gift. He had to give up the Holy Ghost and be seperated from the Father so we could recieve the Holy Ghost and become part of the family of God and be brothers and joint heirs with Christ according to Hebrews 2.
Ephesians 2:8-10 (King James Version)8For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9Not of works, lest any man should boast.
10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them.
It is THE GIFT of God. Grace is THE GIFT of God, not just A gift, its THE GIFT OF GOD. The power to overcome sin in your domain, to rule and reign with Christ in the heavenlies or the 2nd heavens, the spiritual realm that surrounds us. That is why it says, call those things that are not as though they are, to bind that which needs to be bound or to cast down and take captive, thoughts and vain imaginations and arguments that exalt themselves about Christ, and to loose or forgive those who have sinned against. To enter into true intercession, releasing others by forgiving them when you stand praying, repenting for your sins, the sins or your nation, the sins of your fathers and the sins for others. This is the call of a true intercessor to stand in the gap and mediate between God and man, to keep the wrath of God back that Jesus fulfilled and keep God from judging the sinning soul that is condemned to judgment but if that soul repents, the person if forgiven and washed clean and made white as snow, releasing them to healing and forgiveness. Its hard to do, but we have the power to forgive or to not forgive, and when we don't forgive another their sins are retained against them, that is the binding or putting another person in bondage, that is the words of Jesus, but when you forgive, they are forgiven, that is the loosing them from the bondage others or themselves put on themselves. The bondage would be the grave clothes that was wrapped around Lazarus, to be unbound is to have the grave clothes taken off, to be bound is to have them put on. That is what binding and loosing is.
Everyone loves verse 8 and completely miss verse 10, "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them." We were created to do good works, good works isn't a choice its about your heart attitude. God created you to do something, there is a good, an acceptable and a perfect will of God. Which are you in.
In pure ignorance many miss one of the greatest truths of the gospel, that Jeremiah said "I will right the new covenant on their hearts," that the Grace of God is His kindness LEADING you to repentance from dead works and giving you the instruction and the power to excercise your dominion, and dominate satan and the flesh in your life. You have dominion when you walk in a SPIRIT OF SELF CONTROL enable by the GRACE of GOD and KEPT HOLY by you humble and repentive walk before Christ.
Jesus said this to his disciples and I believe this is the true way of the Cross, "go and learn what this means. 'I desire obedience not sacrifice,'" God wants you to walk in obedience. The word says if you walk in the spirit you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh and those who are in the spirit are no longer under the law, but the soul that sins shall surely die.
Here is a key.
He desires obedience. Obedience to what and why, the Torah or the Instruction of God, the Torah is Gods instruction. Fear brings a sense of dread and fear of punishment. The Torah is Instruction in righteous living, its the manual for life and living to keep us from burning our hands in a pot of boiling water. Its for our benefit. Obedience means you give your life up and live a life as a bond servant to Christ, bound to him because your indebted for your life. A bond servant is a willfull servant who in many cases was saved by a person from imminent death or from a wicked master and wilfully chooses to follow and serve the one who freed him because he feels indebted to him. We should be indentured servants of Christ. Fully submitted to him.
The second key is this.
Sacrifice in the old testament had to be done everytime you sinned by bringing a bull, goat or some other offering based on the sin. It had to be shameful to have to go to town to by the goat, to take it to the synagogue and have the priest slaughter it. Everyone knew you sin by what offering you brought, so your sins where laid bare before everyone. And it was a daily thing. In the NT Jesus died once for all sins, so how does sacrifice apply in the NT, you have to apply the blood to the door post of your heart, when you sin, you have to repent and sacrifice or repent of, confess and renounce your sins so that God can wash you of your sins. That is the sacrifice Jesus is talking about. God would rather you obey His word and live right and safe then you do what you want, live wrong and get bad fruit and have to repent and beg for good fruit.
We in the NT miss that the Law of Grace doesn't give you a license a sin, it give you power to overcome sin, teaching to help you know why not to sin, the conviction of the spirit to not sin or to repent once you have and the mercy, the amount of time to work it out and get the sin issue dealt with. But we must be holy to see God. Many don't focus on living holy, they focus on living the plush life, nice cars, nice house, nice job and nice friends, attend church, look good, be in a small group and do something in your community. But we have sins that God is dealing with us all the time. Thats not a life of being on the Cross thats a life of busy work in the community. A Christian or not Christian can do that. Thats not the way of the Cross.
Of The = is a statement ownership, the right way, is owned by something, it of the Cross. The Cross owns the right way. Jesus said He is the door none get through without looking to the cross, as the Israelites had to look at the snake on a stick. Jesus became that snake / sin on the cross so that we can be free. He took the nature of sin on himself without ever sinning to die and make a way that we wouldn't have to sin if we rely on the Charis or Grace of God.
Gathsemene, is the valley between, the life lived on your own and the life lived on the cross. Gathesemene is the point where you own your cross, he who seeks to save his life through works that I listed above and others will loose it, he who gives up his life will win their life. We must be like Jesus and say "Not my will but your will be done" and be able to say to others, "I only do what I see the Father do" and "I must be about my fathers business."
Gathesemene is the part that you count the cost of a true disciple and choose to take the Fathers love and accept the discipline and chastising of the Lord, to allow the Lord to rebuke you. As Isaiah said in the year Uziah died, that he saw the Lord high and lifted up, he saw the angels cry "holy holy holy is the Lord" and the temple was filled with the glory of God and shook, and Isaiah feel and said "I am a man of unclean lips amongst a people of unclean lips" and the angel took the coal and cleansed his lips. Gathesemene is where you see the Glory of God and frailty of man and cry out for your sins and the sins of others and ask God to give you the grace to get to the cross, because your not their yet.
The Cross = is a primitive torture device, anyone hung upon it was shameful, it was shameful to be hung on a tree to die. The Cross is the painful death of the Sin Nature that entered creation when ADAM ate the fruit. As father and head of the home, according to the Torah Adam could have broken the vow Eve made and said no and sin would not have entered the human race. Its says "when he took of the fruit and ate" that sin entered the world. It wasn't Eve, Eve was decieved, Adam the man who named all the animals was not. He was wise and was told by God not to but he was weak and let his wife make a bond a covenant with another man or creation that was unholy and he joined in that covenant and that is when sin entered the world through Adam. Adam is the reason the world is like it is not Eve. The way of the Cross is picking up your CROSS daily and putting to death the dead works of the flesh and following Christ. Its the baptism of fire.
The Baptism of Fire
Matthew 3:11-12 (King James Version) 11I indeed baptize you with water unto repentance. but he that cometh after me is mightier than I, whose shoes I am not worthy to bear: he shall baptize you with the Holy Ghost, and with fire:
12Whose fan is in his hand, and he will throughly purge his floor, and gather his wheat into the garner; but he will burn up the chaff with unquenchable fire.
A winnowing fan was used to purge the chaff from the wheat, the chaff was part of the wheat, the chaff protected the wheat as it grew up from the ravages of rain, wind, storm, etc. Put at harvest time was no longer useful, so they would go to the threshing floor and seperate the wheat from the chaff. See a weed is a wicked plant but chaff is part of a righteous plant that is no longer good. Chaff is part of the wheat not a weed. So this is part of the Christian. The baptism of fire is the process of sanctification, the putting off of the carnal or sin nature and putting on the mind and the nature of Christ. Its repentance from dead works and faith toward God, (Heb 6:1-2).
"Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies it shall bear no fruit." We must die to our selfish carnal nature to live in Christ. The way of the Cross is the way of dominion over sin, how to possess your land till he comes, how to take back what the devil stole in Adam.
Salvation is the Exousia = Authority / Badge / Right To Own / You recieve the seal of the king, the badge of honor, the ring of promise, the ensignia of the king. To rule and reign.
The Holy Spirit is the Dunamis = Power / Overwhelming Force. When you recieve the baptism in the Holy Ghost, you recieve the gifts of the holy spirit, you recieve the power, to speak in unknown tongues and edify yourself, to walk in the 12 gifts listed in 1 Cor 12:4-6, which are for the edifying of the body, discerning of spirits, words of wisdom, words of knowledge, prophecy, etc... The Gifts are for believers to edify and build up other believers. Not some bless me club, but lets bless each other.
The baptism of fire is the process of sanctification that a bad dirty, or unclean pot, can be reforged and turned into a vessel of honor in the Fathers house.
2. How has it increasingly become the way of your life?
In my life, I have felt the purging fire of the cross burning up the dross and sin and I have seen a desire to see the glory of God and obey God in all things and to return to one hundred percent biblical practice and Christianity, not just the traditions of men or a watered down version of Catholicism. I want to walk in obedience no sacrifice. I have seen God burn my heart with the love and compassion for others so much and continues to birth a word for this generation. God is getting ready to do something big, explosive, dynamic.
To summarize
1) The Cross was a painful tool of torture used to kill the flesh of men, so that their souls would die and their body expire from painful exhaustion.
a) the way of the Cross is painful
2) The way of the Cross in essence is
The Way = Gods way of doing things
Of The = owned by
Cross = the destruction of fleshly and carnal nature and evil genius
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